Zombie Survival Guide

Are you prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse of December 2012?

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm paranoid. Paranoid that on December 21, 2012 the world will NOT be destroyed by an Earthquake, War or some other natural disaster, but rather be overrun with Zombies! By December 21, 2012, Hell will be so full that it won't possibly be able to fit another soul into it's dark abyss, so when Hell is full, the Dead will walk the Earth! Personally, I myself am prepared. I sleep with a Colt M1911 under my pillow, a Benelli M4 shotgun is hanging on the wall above the top of my bed, various weapons fill a small aluminum shed and in the big wooden shed next to it, an (almost) unlimited amount of ammunition. To help increase your chances of survival, I will share my knowledge of Zombie Survival that I picked up from every Romero Zombie film and the Left 4 Dead Series.

(Standard Zombie Emergency Kit)

Let's cover the basics...

How To Identify A Zombie:

1. Disheveled appearance (ex: rotting flesh, smells like shit)
2. Unresponsive to communication (ex: shouting "hey" 3 times and getting "uhhhh" as a response)
3. Pale, often clammy, decomposing flesh
4. No concept of personal boundaries
5. Motivation to eat the brains of the Living

How To Kill A Zombie:
Killing a Zombie is quite simple! The Zombie functions with the brain. So all you gotta do is take the brain out! A well placed bullet between the eyes is the quickest and easiest way, but I conserve ammunition by using a blunt object (such as a crowbar or sledgehammer) and using blunt force on head of the Zombie. While this way saves ammunition, it also can be dangerous as it will tire you out quicker and more than 1 hit may be needed. Choose your methods wisely!

Guns:
It doesn't really matter what gun you use as (almost) all guns use bullets. Bullet to a Zombie's head equals good! However, a Flamethrower is a bad idea. The flames would take a long amount of time to cook and destroy the brain so bullets are the preferred method. Explosives such as grenades or an RPG can be used so long as the head/brain of the Zombie is destroyed.

Melee Weapons:
Almost any weapon can be used for a melee attack so long as they are heavy enough or sharp enough to either bash the skull in and break it or slice through the skull and cut up the brain. Contrary to popular belief, a Chainsaw, while effective, is not the best choice for a melee weapon. Think about it...carrying around that red canister of gasoline would slow your ass down! Then when that gasoline is out, you gonna carry a Chainsaw on your back and fill it up at the nearest gas station? I'm not saying a Chainsaw is a loss, it's just has some serious cons. Think before using it!

Golden Rules:

1. The minute someone in your group is bitten, execute them with a bullet to the head to save time. They're already dead, so fuck it, send them to Hell now.
2. Always stick in a group! It's a lot harder to fight the horde with only one machine gun. Stick close and help one another out!
3. Zombies are evolving too, so never underestimate them! They may be brain dead, but they're getting smarter than Hell!
4. Conserve as much ammunition as possible! It sucks when the horde is coming for your sorry ass and your guns are all empty.
5. Keep an escape plan and Emergency Zombie Survival Kit in your home. Don't wait...do the shit now!

Well, that's all I got. If you want to contribute to this Zombie Survival Guide, leave a comment and I will incorporate it into future updates. And remember...December 21, 2012: If you wanna stay alive, stay together! The Human Race will triumph and send those Undead Bastards back to Hell where they came from!